What does this guy mean by this (please read)?

He's doing what I thought I could do in the past, but it doesn't work because eventually everyone has an attack of consciousness. He's saying that he's trying to block out and repress the great memory because he knows that if he doesn't he will think about it and it will hurt. I've got news for you. It won't work. He will think about it, and it will hurt. You have no idea how much I try to do the same thing about that night I had with my friend at Disney. Every once in a while it comes back and bites me in the ***. The other night I laid in bed and listened to ballads for an hour and a half while reflecting on it. Then I was texting someone and before I got to their name in my phone contacts I passed hers and couldn't do anything but smile. Self protecting doesn't work and I've found that out the hard way. It's like Billy Joel says in the song A Matter Of Trust, "The closer you get to the fire the more you get burned."